Saturday, 12 December 2015

Kathryn's Inbox Exclusive: Entire Community Forever in Debt Over Facebook Christmas Comments

NOWHERESVILLE, AUSTRALIA--The residents of Nowheresville have been left forever in debt to nineteen year old Milton McLean after a comment that he left on the popular social media site facebook earlier this week. 'I can't believe that we were all so ignorant and stupid,' Veronika Singh, the Mayor of Nowheresville told our reporter. 'This single comment, from the brave and brilliant keyboard warrior, Mr Milton McLean, has changed our way of life forever.'

The incident occurred a week ago, when the local radio station Nowhere FM shared a meme on their facebook page asking their listeners whether or not they preferred to say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays." While followers were quick to chime in with their preferences, it was left up to Milton to bravely point out that Christmas celebrations were adapted by Christians from pagan rituals. "I don't think any of us knew that," Mayor Singh said. "It had certainly never occurred to me. I thought that Christmas was a very secular, Christian holiday that was based around going to the shopping centre to spend money that you don't have, buying things for other people that they don't want."

Local resident, Charlie Gunther added that he thought that Christmas was a secular, Christian holiday that involved, "Inviting the whole family around for lunch so that you could all have a bloody great argument and then not speak to one another until the following Christmas." Other local residents had been equally confused, with some assuming that it was a secular, Christian holiday that involved all shops and restaurants playing repetitive and annoying songs about snowmen, winter wonderlands and other things that were entirely irrelevant to the Australian climate in late December. 

"Fortunately, Milton's comment has changed everything," Mayor Singh says with a smile. "We can now blame pagans, as well as Christians, for all of these ridiculous rituals ..."