Sunday, 6 September 2015

Kathryn's Inbox Exclusive: Pyromanic Blows Up Petrol Station, Claims Actions Are Not Illegal

NOWHERESVILLE, AUSTRALIA--A self-confessed pyromaniac who deliberately blew up the Nowheresville Petrol Station for 'entertainment,' killing three people and causing millions of dollars worth of damage has spoken to the media for the first time, claiming that her arrest is unfair. "I know its sad that the petrol station isn't there any more and that some people got killed, but I don't think it's right that the police should arrest me," twenty-nine year old Skyla McDonald told our reporters from inside her cell at the Nowheresville Remand Centre yesterday. "I mean, they're treating me like I'm a criminal."

Prior to blowing the petrol station up, Ms McDonald had purchased a can of coke and a chocolate bar from the business. "This made me a paying customer," Ms McDonald explains. "And the customer is always right. So if I feel like blowing a business up and murdering the staff in the process just because I am bored, then I should be allowed to."

Our reporters tried to question Ms McDonald further, but were interrupted by the arrival of her lawyer, who begged her client not to use the phrase the customer is always right in court. Ms McDonald's lawyer has subsequently been sacked and is now looking for a new office as her previous premises burned down on the same night that Ms McDonald staged a daring escape from the remand centre.