Saturday, 26 September 2015

Kathryn's Inbox Exclusive: Deadbeat Dad Disappointed by Belated Father's Day Gift

NOWHERESVILLE AUSTRALIA--Twenty-seven year old Rocco Baker, who has not seen one of his eleven children in the past two years, and who recently taken to court by all five of his former partners for his staunch refusal to pay child support, was left feeling 'disappointed' on Father's Day, when none of his children bothered to buy him a gift. 

"My children are nothing but a bunch of ungrateful little shits," he told our reporter. "I went to the trouble of giving each of them life--even the ones whose mothers were like, ugly and shit, and now they can't even be stuffed thanking properly for that on Father's Day. They didn't even have to visit, at least one of them could have thought to have left a slab of beer at the door."

A few days after Father's Day, Baker's hopes of a gift were, at least partially restored when he received an envelope in the mail addressed to him in a childish hand. "I opened it, hoping that it would be a cheque or something, but all that was inside was this shitty handmade card from someone called Naomi."

When asked by our reporter if it was correct that one of his daughters was called Naomi, Baker looked momentarily confused and then nodded. "Yeah, I think so," he said. "What an ungrateful bitch, eh? She couldn't even be bothered going to the shops and paying for a card."

When it was pointed out that Naomi Baker was six years old and the cost of a greeting card may have been a little out of her budget, Baker looked surprised and then annoyed. "Yeah well, whatever," he said. "But next time, you think if she's going to draw all little hearts on the card that she could learn to colour within the lines and not do it so crooked and shit ..."