Saturday, 4 April 2015

Kathryn's Inbox Exclusive: Mean Old Woman "Starves" Due to Supermarket Good Friday Closure

NOWHERESVILLE AUSTRALIA--While many Australians were enjoying a much-needed break and spending time with family, friends and neighbours, attending church or holidaying in various tourists precincts, local woman Denise Sutton was left starving after her local supermarket closed on the holiday. Despite buying four trolleys filled with groceries the day before and lining up for a good half an hour at the checkout, shortly before closing time, Denise found herself unable to cope when it came around to lunchtime on Friday. "I just didn't know what to do," she told our reporters. "I mean, I always walk down to the supermarket to buy my lunch. It's appalling, really. These supermarkets, these big businesses, they don't care how the holiday closures affect us."

When it was suggested that Denise could have prepared a meal out of the food that she already had in her overflowing cupboards and refrigerator, she gave our reporter a blank stare. "What would I do that for?" She asked. "I don't want to eat the food that is already here. As a consumer, it's my right to spend money that I don't have on things that I don't really need. Plus it gives me a real ego boost to walk to the supermarket every day and treat the staff there like dirt. I would like to think that they shouldn't be allowed to join in on public holidays with everyone else. I, for one, would enjoy watching them miss out on seeing their extended families and spending quality time with their spouses and children, especially as mine stopped visiting after I told my grandchildren that they were all little shits. In the meantime, I'll just complain loudly about how hard done by I am in the hope that someone might read this and feel sorry for me ..."

We don't feel the least bit sorry for Denise and suspect that no one else does either.

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