Sunday, 18 January 2015

Kathryn's Inbox Exclusive: Restaurant Critic Admits Review May Have Been a Bit Harsh

NOWHERESVILLE, AUSTRALIA--TweetyTuff, a self-appointed food critic who posts semi-anonymous restaurant reviews online had admitted to one of our reporters that her one-star review of Bob's Takeaway Restaurant may have been, 'a bit harsh.' In her review, which was shared on Whelp, a site where any member of the public is invited to review local businesses, TweetyTuff gave a scathing rundown of the food and service, that allegedly left 'a bad taste in my mouth.' 

"I didn't realise that the restaurant concerned was actually a local take-away joint," TweetyTuff explained. "I was expecting a sit down meal and I thought that the people who worked there were just being rude when they wrapped my fish and chips in newspaper and then expected me to walk to the counter to collect them. And when I asked for cutlery, they just pointed at a tray that was loaded with plastic knives and forks. So, naturally, I felt that I had no choice but to write four thousand words telling them that their chips tasted like they had been soaked in garbage and make insulting comments about the physical characteristics of the people who worked there. I admit, the girl who served me did not weight two hundred thousand kilograms and nor was she covered in some unknown rash. I didn't see her pick any scabs from her arms, either." 

When questioned further, TweetyTuff admitted that she was, in fact, aware that Emily Arnold, 14, the daughter of the business owners, was a fashion model who has appeared in Aphrodite magazine and that Emily was, in fact, one of her classmates. "I guess I am a bit jealous," TweetyTuff sighs. "But she's still a bitch and deserves at least some of what I said."

When probed further, TweetyTuff admitted that the chips tasted quite pleasant and that she had not seen anyone throw any rats, shoes or a live and frightened kelpie puppy into the deep fryer and that those comments may have been, "a bit harsh." Her parents, meanwhile, told a very different version of what happened during the family trip to the local takeaway joint. "I don't understand where all this criticism came from," her mother states. "Our daughter knows that it wasn't a sit down restaurant. And she spent most of the visit sitting on a plastic chair, fiddling with her mobile phone and sighing loudly every time that my husband tried to sing along to the song that was playing on the radio." TweetyTuff's father adds that his daughter was not even the one to collect the newspaper wrapped package from the counter and that she had complained bitterly when she was asked to balance it on her lap for the trip home. "Then again," he adds with a sigh, "She can be a bit of a brat sometimes ..."