And now for the next exclusive installment of The Lost Sweet Valley High novel, Elizabeth's Psychosis.
Todd Wilkins woke with a thumping headache. Where am I, he wondered, as he stumbled out of bed and walked to the window. This certainly did not look like Sweet Valley. For one thing, it was cloudy outside. And for another, it was raining. And Todd knew that it never rained in Sweet Valley.
Oh, that's right. Todd smiled as he remembered that he was in Vermont, catching up with some old friends. Last night he had been to a party with Michelle, the coach of his old basketball team. Suzanne Devlin, his old girlfriend had been there. Todd could recall drinking the bottle of soda pop that Michelle had kindly offered him. And then ...
"Morning Todd." Suzanne Devlin skipped happily through the bedroom, wearing only her bra and panties. All right, thought Todd, who had never seen a girl in only her underwear up close before. Suddenly, Michelle appeared, also wearing only her bra and panties. Todd watched as she greeted Suzanne with a deep, lingering kiss. This was all getting rather interesting. Then Todd felt guilty, remembering that he had a girlfriend back in Sweet Valley. And not just any girlfriend either. Todd was dating Elizabeth Wakefield, who was the most wonderful girl to ever walk the planet. Todd wondered what Elizabeth was doing now ...
* * *
Elizabeth Wakefield sat inside the Dari Burger, desperately trying to ignore the voice in her head that were telling her to choke Enid. Go on, do it now, the voices whispered. She's so boring, no one will ever notice.
"And then ..." Enid's voice trailed off in mid-sentence. "Are you even listening to me Elizabeth?"
"Oh, yeah sure." Elizabeth stifled a yawn. She had been kept up most of the night, standing outside the Fowlers mansion, thinking of ways to murder Lila. At the time, Elizabeth had been completely unaware that Lila had seen her outside, clutching a knife and had telephoned the police on her powder blue princess phone. Elizabeth had subsequently been arrested by Constable Marshall, who had also been her teacher briefly, back in second grade. Elizabeth had quickly explained that she was not planning on killing Lila at all, but had been hunting for rabbits, which she hoped to give to some homeless people so that they could have some pets. The excuse was completely ludicrous, but because people in Sweet Valley were all so idiotic, everyone believed her.
"You were telling me about your new boyfriend," Elizabeth continued.
Enid nodded enthusiastically. "He's thirty years old and his name is Roger. He teaches English. But I'm not allowed to tell anyone about our affair, in case he gets put in jail. You won't tell anyone, will you Liz?"
Elizabeth nodded, and solemnly vowed that she would not say a word. Climbing up from the table, she mumbled an excuse about having some homework to do and that she would see Enid later. Of course, Elizabeth wasn't really going home, but straight into the arms of her other lover, Rick Andover. As usual, Rick was delighted to see her and happy to offer a couple of lines of cocaine, in between a heavy make out session and discussing their plans to destroy everyone in Sweet Valley ...
* * *
"Enid and Roger Collins, who would have thought," Bruce Patman remarked as he stared at the latest issue of The Oracle, the Sweet Valley High newspaper than no one ever actually read, except when there happened to be some real gossip in the Eyes and Ears column, which was presided over by Elizabeth Wakefield. And this week, the gossip was really juicy. Boring Enid Rollins had just been revealed to be having an affair with one of the most handsome (and straight laced) teachers in school.
"Ugh. You'd think Mr Collins would have better taste than that." Lying beside Bruce in bed, Jessica let out a groan. "Don't you Todd?"
Bruce looked around momentarily, expecting to see Todd Wilkins. Then he remembered that he was wearing a mask that made him look exactly like Todd. The plan was to pretend to be Todd for a few days while the real Todd was in Vermont, so that he could finally realise his dream of seducing Elizabeth Wakefield. However, things were not going quite to plan. Bruce had yet to sleep with Elizabeth, though her wild sister Jessica seemed willing enough ...
NB Several pages appear to be missing from the text here. When we return, Elizabeth Wakefield has been revealed as (who else) evil Margo. Meanwhile, the real Elizabeth Wakefield has just escaped from a desert island and is desperately rowing her way back to Sweet Valley hoping to save her friends.
"Must save Sweet Valley ..." Elizabeth murmured as she continued to singlehandedly row the tiny boat through stormy waters. All around her, she could see shark fins sticking out of the water, along with several electric eels and what looked spookily like the boat from Gilligan's Island. "Hey," a voice cried, "I thought this was supposed to be a three hour tour!"
"If you thought that, then why did you bring so many clothes, Thurston?" Another voice retorted. Elizabeth looked toward the boat. They all appeared to be in trouble, and headed in the direction of the island she had just escaped from. Oh well, they would have to sort their own problems out. Right now, Elizabeth had to save Sweet Valley from the evil Margo.
* * *
When Todd Wilkins landed at Sweet Valley Airport, he was delighted to see how many of his friends had come to meet him. They were all there, Ken Matthews, Winston Egbert, Enid Rollins Lila Fowler, Bruce Patman and Jesscia Wakefield. (The truth about Bruce pretending to be Todd had come out after his mask had fallen off during a game of truth or dare. By then, Jessica had discovered that she was pregnant and had no choice but to accept the situation. Ned and Alice Wakefield had met with the Patmans and it was decided that the pair would get married. At first, the Patmans had wanted to pay to send Jessica away, but had soon backed down after Ned pulled out a shotgun.)
The only person missing from the crowd was Elizabeth. Maybe she had discovered that he had contracted herpes after his night with Suzanne and Michelle, Todd thought guiltily, and never wanted to talk to him again. Oh well. If Todd had learned anything, it was that he should never accept soda pop from an (almost) ex-girlfriend.
"Hi everyone!" Todd forced a smile.
There were no smiles in return. "Hi Todd." Winston's voice was sombre. "We need to talk to you."
"It's about Elizabeth," Jessica added.
Lila nodded. "Yeah, she's been acting funny. And she's been secretly dating Rick Andover."
"What, again?" Todd asked. "Sorry, I mean, no! How could she?"
"Well, she's not dating Rick Andover any more," Enid said. "So perhaps the two of you will work things out."
"Rick was found dead on the beach this morning," Ken Matthews said.
"Ugh, good riddance." Jessica rolled her eyes.
"Except that it might have been Elizabeth who killed him." Bruce Patman's eyes flashed. "Look guys, it's time we faced facts. Elizabeth Wakefield is a murderer ..."
* * *
Margo smiled as she attached the bomb to the bottom of the Wilkins' patio. Just you wait, she thought as she cackled nastily. Soon all of Sweet Valley will be dead ...
What will happen next? Will Elizabeth save Sweet Valley from Margo? Or will she succeed in blowing everyone up at Todd's welcome home party? Stay turned for part three ...