Thursday, 13 December 2012

Kathryn's Inbox Exclusive: Unusual Weather Patterns Hit Sweet Valley

UNITED STATES--The small town of Sweet Valley, California has been hit with some very unusual weather patterns this December. While local residents are used to consistent beautiful days, with perhaps a small touch of snow on Christmas Eve, it appears that this December there has been a odd shift in the weather patterns. "Frankly, the weather is shithouse at the moment," Sweet Valley resident Bruce Patman, 16, told our reporters. "Twice now I've had my Porsche bogged in the mud because it won't stop raining. The second time, the mud was so bad that after I got out, no one could see my special personalised licence plates that say 1Bruce1."

The situation was nearly as dire for Patman's friends, identical twins Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield,  16, who were forced to put up the top on their red Fiat Spider for the first time ever. "I couldn't believe it," Elizabeth stated. "I was on my way to the next town, to donate some books to the Derek Zoolander Centre For Kids Who Can't Read Good, when all this water started to tumble down from the sky." Meanwhile, her sister Jessica and friends Lila Fowler and Cara Walker remain concerned about what the rain may do to their hair. "At first when we heard it was raining we didn't believe it," Lila told reporters. "I mean the first person to talk about it was that boring Enid Rollins and who listens to a word that she says? And then when she wouldn't shut up we just figured she'd started talking drugs again and was hallucinating."

While current weather patterns remain highly unusual, the outlook is optimistic for local residents. "Lots of strange things happen around here at Christmas time and we always pull through," Elizabeth Wakefield told reporters. "We get lots of strange murders and attempted murders, and not to mention strange or not medically accurate diseases. Plus there is this really weird time loop. None of us have aged for the last twenty Christmases ..."